I’ve mentioned the title of this site comes from letters I have written Pam during this experience. I’m still deciding how much and which to share, but here is letter 20.
My Darling Pam,
It was both a scary and a beautiful night last night. Around midnight you asked for help to use the restroom. Before asking, I could tell you were in pain due to your moaning while asleep. When I asked you about pain med options you asked for 2 Alieve. As I was getting them you went silent.
I returned to find you unconscious upon the toilet, a scene reminiscent of the hour before you were recently taken by ambulance to the hospital. The first time I thought you had suffered a stroke, this time I suspected it was actually the same problem as before, dreadfully low blood pressure.
After grabbing the attention of our grandson Mattox, together we were able to get you to the floor and upon a pillow. As you aroused you were classic Pam (your humor that frequently masks embarrassment) and kept us both very entertained. Despite your request to just sleep on the marble floor, I really wanted to get you back to bed knowing every bone in your already painful body would be screaming today if you remained upon the floor.
What occurred after getting you back to bed and the household returned to normal is the object of this letter. Mostly asleep and clutching my hand you began quietly singing hymns. In pain and mostly unconscious your natural response was to sing beautiful, lovely hymns.
When life pressed in squeezing, you oozed worship. This morning you apologized for bringing me to tears last night. It wasn’t the episode that brought me to tears, it wasn’t your pain that brought me to tears, it was your response. I love that amidst calamity you find normal; you find worship.
I love you more than life.
Brad