My dearest Pam.
I had the sweetest dream of you last night and all I could say in the dream to you was how beautiful you were. Even though in the dream, I knew you were not well, there was a light and a beauty and love that radiated from inside that was so lovely.
I have so many memories that flood my heart when I think of you and when I pray for you, and I feel like if I wrote even a fraction of them it would be hundreds of pages from throughout the years. I wouldn’t even know where to start so I will write some highlights.
When we first met, I was a new Christianand wanting to grow in my faith. I believe God brought you into my life then to help me establish a foundation of faith which has held me for over 40 years of knowing him. I have always been inspired with your love for the word of God and your longing to know the Truth and walk in that Truth. I loved talking about Scripture, doing devotionals together, and praying together. Your love for the old hymns and the richness and beauty of the lyrics, created a love in me for them that has ever increased over the years. Your devotion to prayer and studying the Bible have been an encouragement as I watched your unwavering fidelity to the Lord and His faithfulness through the many seasons of life you went through. You never lost hope in his truths. My friendship with you in those early years as a Christian helped in the formation of a solid foundation that has held me through every season of life. I thank God for you everyday and the love that He gave me through your surrendered life. I can’t thank you enough for your willingness to share your faith with me.
I was driving down Formosa Road Sunday and so many great memories filled my mind and heart with our families. We laughed so much and enjoyed so many meals, movies and fun together. I remember all the times we spent in your amazing sunroom sometimes laughing over silly things, talking about life, testifying about the goodness of God, crying together over challenges in life and praying together for our families and our church and even the world. Again, I don’t even know where to start with recalling the stories so I will leave it at I cherish all those times spent doing life together!!
I feel as if I owe you a debt of gratitude fortelling me about Covenant Seminary and the support you gave me through the process of applying and even getting through the program. I can’t even begin to tell you how that decision effected my life. Besides pursuing a calling from God to be a counselor, it was so transformative in some of the deepest places in my heart. My time there was convicting, encouraging, insightful, healing, and deepening in my faith and in the Truths of scripture. It was really such a sacred season while at the seminary and I am forever grateful for the lifegiving time there. I remember visiting you at your house in St Louis and sharing all the things I was learning and how I was growing and being challenged. I loved our conversations about Scripture and life that we shared.
I have difficulty in finding the most appropriate words to say thank you for your faith during a painful time in my life where I didn’t have faith. After losing the last baby, my pain and grief were so great that I said that I was done and was content with my 3 living children. I know that you were praying for me during that season but eventually you kindly said to me “What if God put that desire for 4 children in your heart?” and then you let it go and God opened my heart to try for another baby. I laugh when I think about our conversations and laughter as you and Brad were cheering us on in our attempt to get pregnant! Our family felt complete after Aaron was born and I can’t imagine life without him. Thank you, a million times, over for carrying that burden for me when I couldn’t. You have always been a faithful intercessor as the Holy Spirit has led you over the years. Thank you for your faithfulness that has encouraged me so that I could encourage others in difficult places. Your prayers, and love have had such a ripple effectand I can’t even imagine how many lives have been changed because of your wonderful life and light.
I could keep writing and writing but I will close with the most precious memory that I have and will cherish always. I love how we could sit for lengths of time and hold hands, so much of the time without a word being spoken and many times with tears flowing. We love each other in such deep ways in those moments and there was such a peace and contentment in the silences, just being next to each other and holding hands. I am not sure that many people would or could understand or appreciate holding hands as much as we have. I wish I could just sit with you and hold hands with you again. I miss you so much and have always loved you. I continue to pray for you and Brad always.
You and I used to laugh and dream about growing old together and sitting on the front porch in our rocking chairs and telling our stories and remembering the goodness of God together. I don’t know if there will be rocking chairs and front porches in heaven but if there are I look forward to us sitting together on the porch, holding hands and worshipping Godtogether.
I love you more than you can ever know and value all of our memories more than words can convey.
I don’t know how your health is right now but if you ever want to talk, I would love to hear your sweet voice. Love, Cindy