“He whose head is in heaven need not fear to put his feet into the grave.” – Matthew Henry
My darling Pam,
I have put off writing this letter for nearly two weeks. The veil that separates the material from the immaterial of this world seems to be thinning. Lately you’ve been talking about leaving, saying your final goodbyes and sleeping more and more.
Heath recently helped me pick out your crypt and later that day we all went to visit the mausoleum. As a family, we have begun planning your funeral and the chasm that lay ahead of me as I face it seems vast as well as daunting.
It’s that feeling of standing at the helm, when the boat is not responding to me, but to nature. As when we find ourselves tossed about by heavy seas wanting to roll us; wanting to capsize us.
Much like the waves of a sudden squall at sea, the waves of grief come to roll over me. It is as frightful as being battered at sea, BUT THEN comes the stillness of His presence and His peace. It is in this place, this holy place, that I experience comfort and know that all things remain well within our souls.
This past Saturday Jerome Daley, writing his weekly blog post in The Vining Center, wrote of his recent funeral experience and the passing of his aunt. It provided me the impetus to go ahead and finish this letter. I quote from Jerome’s timely post:
“Funerals are a gift for many reasons: the extended family, the old friends, the remembrances, the fried chicken. But more profoundly, they help us step out of the immediacy and myopia of everyday life to at least glance at the big picture and ask ourselves the larger questions. The really important questions like, Who am I again? Where am I really going? What will people say about me when I leave this world? And what is it that I really want to be living for? For this reason particularly, funerals are a priceless gift, and I hope you won’t miss this great invitation when you attend one next.” Jerome Daley https://www.viningcenter.org/blog-feed/passage
Thinking about and planning for your funeral certainly takes me out of “the immediacy and myopia” of my current life. That is not to say that I am not content, even grateful for my present daily life. Caring for and loving you along side your sister Sherry has been my delight. It is the capstone to our many decades of marriage and our family legacy.
To answer the questions of who we are and where we are going, I point to the saying framed and placed somewhere in each of our homes, “All of this, because two people fell in love…”
Truth be told, “all of this” is because He first loved us and provided us with the irresistible grace to build together these many years. To quote from “our song,” I will walk with you in the shadow lands, until the shadows disappear.
That is where my thoughts have brought me babe, I need for you to know, that your memory and your impact upon my life shall never fade away.
You have always and continue to hold a vested interest in every success, every accolade or honor that has been bestowed upon me. Together we have forged this life and our beliefs. Although we may soon be separated, the life and legacy shall live on until we are once again reunited.
Because of this, I can declare my love for you is not only greater than my love for life, my love for you is eternal. Because of this great love, I can freely let you go.
All My Love,
Brad
One Response
A Jewish prayer for Pam.
Guide her, Holy One, on this final journey, Your hand pointing the way, Your loving eye upon her face As she seeks her new dwelling. Surround her with Your kindness, Embrace her with tranquility; Sooth her fears with the surety of Your care, Even as she releases her tears to Your custody.
Penni and John