One of my son’s best friends growing up lost his wife a week ago. Watching his posts on social media, remembering the pain of my own when a week had passed, and that was just a few short weeks ago, brings a complicated emotion to my soul.
First, there is the wave of grief that rolls over my deck, to borrow a sailing metaphor, from missing my own wife of more than fifty years. I wrote this weekend about the 30 day memorial and how I was facing that landmark.
Then there is the pain of watching someone I care very much for experience their own pain and pretty much being helpless to offer any meaningful comfort.
I’ve learned that grief is a complicated matter. It is physical and involves the trained neuron responses within my brain. It’s emotional power is gut-wrenching and as a Christian, even though death has lost its (eternal) sting ( 1 Corinthians 15:55) it is most of all spiritual. Israel bitterly mourned Moses. Jesus wept at the grave of his friend Lazarus. We all become acquainted with grief.
As I continue to write and mail thank you cards to those who sent memorials, flowers or remembrances, I am reminded, not only of the sheer number of people who loved Pam; but am reminded how greatly I am also loved.
Our community of faith has been amazing, as have several from our former church families back home. When my oldest son and coworker discovered that I was emotionally fraught, if not overwhelmed, at the notion of emptying a house we had reserved for spill over family- he hopped on a plane and spent the week helping me plow through it.
I suppose my greatest takeaway from this experience has been the reminder from Dr Larry Crabb, that in the experience too, “Pain is inevitable, misery is optional.” The love of family and friends, the assurances of faith and the providence of God are truly sufficient to get me through this experience and in the future I shall not waste my experiences when I find those around me grieving.