This morning I got a call from our dear friend Jay, who was checking in on me. As we reminisced about Pam, Jay reminded me of a trait that I loved in Pam. She would dig deeply and very quickly into your life.
Jay started off by remarking that our 8 or 9 years together seemed more like a lifetime. He commented about how, even though they have moved out of state, he can’t walk through their home without reminders of his love for Pam and the genuine love he felt from her.
It reminds me of another conversation I had over coffee recently with our friend Craig, who commented that the last time he saw Pam he and his wife came to say goodbye and to love on Pam; but as was often the case, she in fact was the one touching them and loving on them. They left our home feeling they were the ministered-to rather than the ministers during our visit together.
Pam had that way about her, she could and in fact would suck you into life, not by involving you in her world, her pain or her issues; rather she would get into your pain, your concerns and your issues.
I think this is due to the fact that Pam would immerse herself into whatever was at hand to do. I loved that about her. She did everything to the best of her abilities and she didn’t give half effort to anything.
Philip Stanhope is credited with saying, “In truth, whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well; and nothing can be done well without attention: I therefore carry the necessity of attention down to the lowest things, even to dancing and dress.”
That is not what Pam lived before us, she arrived at the same end, but with a very significant and different imperative. Pam was not concerned about details for details sake. Pam’s central purpose in life was to glorify God and her belief was that in order to love people well, we must love them as God loves them.
Because she also believed that besides all else, God is holy; sometimes that would mean having difficult and uncomfortable conversations. We all want to believe that God somehow grades on a curve and that if, like Stanhope, we simply pay enough attention to the details, we will do more good than harm and somehow earn our way to God’s favor.
I can say with certainty, that Pam did not believe that to be true. She, more than anyone, knew the fallenness of her life. Pam knew the depth of her sin, that she sinned because she was a sinner. She believed she was not a sinner because she sinned, as RC Sproul would put it. Sin is our essence, not our byproduct.
Because of that, Pam got up every morning asking how she might show the love of God to others for the remainder of that day.
As a result, I believe, that is why we all bear the remembrances of Pam in our lives and world.
Don’t misunderstand me, more than anyone, I can tell you of her imperfections; likewise I, more than anyone, can tell you of the genuineness of her passion and compassion for those whom she loved.
I know that my life has been enriched as a result of our years together and I pray your life has as well. That is why I miss Pam and that is why I’m thankful to Jay for once again reminding me of the amazing gift she was to me, our family and our friends.
By the way, on June 23rd we will be hosting a celebration of life for Pam in St Louis. If you’d like details, please reach out to me.