This week I will cross the six month mark since Pam’s passing. Frankly, while I expected an increasing amount of orderliness in my life as time marches on, I’ve been surprised by the amount of disorderliness.
I have thought about what I would want to write describing this state of mind and frankly, even those thoughts have been pretty disheveled.
Enter today my old friend Calvin. Today as I’m making my way through the Institutes I landed in Section XVI.
In XVI.4 Calvin, in describing God’s providence refers to him as the “keeper of the keys.” Anthony Lewis, in his guide to Calvin’s Institutes, claims that helm (how could I not love that analogy) would be a better choice of words. Oh my, I couldn’t agree more. Because God does not idly foreknow events, he directs history like a helmsman steering a boat. He directs my life as the helmsman of my past, present and future.
It seems to me the keeper of keys, controls the doorway and the access, whereas the helmsman controls the speed, the course and the processes until we arrive at the destination. He also bears responsibility for the crew and passengers while underway. He is on constant guard against the hazards of the sea and of any adversaries.
In the previous section, Calvin says of God’s omnipotence that God has ample power to do good in enabling us, but also sufficient to protect us so we might rest in the knowledge of his protection, to whose will all harmful things are subject.
So, I don’t know about you today, but I sometimes get a little anxious in the midst of uncertainty. But today, as plenty of uncertainty is alive and seemingly thriving in my life, in my future, in my everything, I find great comfort knowing there is a Captain over this captain. There remains a helmsman greater than this helmsman who will bring my vessel to safe harbors.
I miss Pam fiercely, but the love of family and friends has been amazing. To all of those I humbly say thank you. As today I am reminded that the elements of my passage, course, speed and destination are in competent, unfaltering hands; his hands.