Today would have been Pam’s birthday and this is the first birthday in over fifty years that I won’t be greeting her with a morning kiss, the sung words to happy birthday and the spoken words Happy Birthday when she awakens. This is also the first letter that I’ve posted in six months to TheLongKissGoodbye.com
You would be wrong to interpret that to mean there have not been many sad moments of missing Pam, her humor or her keen insights over the past six months. There have indeed been many grieving moments when, like me, many of our family and friends have come face to face with the present realities of her death and passing.
For me the living and grieving process was greatly aided by the letters that I have journaled. They are grouped into three sets: 1) The Long Kiss Goodbye, which were my thoughts, feelings and moments along the death and dying journey; 2) After The Kiss, which are my journaled thoughts and studies during the first six months of retrospection and grief; 3) The Fresh Kiss, which have not been posted as their recipient, a longtime friend and widow with whom I’ve shared the pains of loss and the hopes of future joy as our own relationship and love have blossomed.
I began working on a letter for the end of the first calendar year, it remains a work in progress and I hope to post it at a future date. Meanwhile, I want to take this moment to remember the woman who loved me faithfully from teenage years into old age. Today she too would be 71. Instead of waking to the pains of cancer, rheumatoid arthritis or even the creaks of old age- she is lovingly beholding the face of her creator in adoration and with thanksgiving for His faithfulness to her and for the salvation which he so richly provided for her.
I love you, babe and I miss you. My heart has enlarged to love again, but there will always remain a hole in it that is shaped for you alone.
Thank you for the memories.
With my eternal love,
Brad