What Are We Doing Here 22

My dearest Pam,

As I sat listening to you visit with your oldest sister last night I was arrested by the thought, “What are we doing here?” You made a comment about being surprised that the baby of the family would likely be the first to die and how strange that seemed in this age of technology and medical acumen.

Over the years we have taken many road trips to all sorts of locations; some exciting and others quite normal. While some have had a business purpose, others seemed whimsical or even exciting. One thing they all had in common (well perhaps save the early 70’s trip to Florida where it took an eternity to get to Atlanta and even longer to get around Atlanta to the hotel) was each had a departure location and a destination.

I don’t ever recall asking the question, “How did we get here?” Every point along the way, except for an occasional missed turn or detour, was a planned waypoint. They were all planned “heres.”

Cancer has brought us all to an unplanned “here.”

When we bought this house in 2021, we never thought we’d move here in 2023, let alone that this would be our last home, our final “here.”

When we sat on the beach and discussed our 19year old grandson moving in and attending college, we never gave thought to our life together ending “here.”

As we joined a new church and began building relationships and community, we never planned we would walk out our final callings in this place: “here.”

In the eye of our minds, I don’t think that either of us thought we would end up”here” or even “now.” All of my planning was based upon my death first. I realize a large part of that planning was risk management, replacing my income for your provision, but still it somehow invoked a thought that my carelessness or my gene pool would succumb to yours. I never expected us to find ourselves “here.”

Despite the lack of focus on what our final “here’s” might look like, I find myself surprised by the “here” that I am discovering and facing.

I don’t like this “here,” but I’d rather that I be facing it than you. You might ask why is that? I’m not the one dying. God knows I would so love to take that from you, the process at least and the pain.  What I would not trade with is the uncertainty that I face. All of the, “how do I’s” that stare me in the face.

But in the final analysis, I know that I will face them as we have faced all uncertainty heretofore, relying upon the steadfast love and grace of our Heavenly Father. 

This weekend we watched the Martin Luther biography as we approach Reformation Day and I have walked around the house humming the hymn A Mighty Fortress since. I know you know the words, but let me remind you…

1. A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;
   Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing:
   For still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe;
   His craft and pow’r are great, and, armed with cruel hate,
   On earth is not his equal.
2. Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing,
   Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:
   Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;
   Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,
   And He must win the battle.
3. And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us,
   We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us;
   The Prince of Darkness grim, we tremble not for him;
   His rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure,
   One little word shall fell him.
4. That word above all earthly pow’rs, no thanks to them, abideth;
   The Spirit and the gifts are ours through Him Who with us sideth;
   Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;
   The body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still,
   His kingdom is forever.

I love you so very much, my darling. We shall get through this and I shall remain strong both through and after whatever lies ahead. For I know where to seek refuge, strength and wisdom.  I know my Mighty Fortress.

All of my love,

Brad